August 28th, 2012
Owen turned 3!
Owen turned 3 on Tuesday. I cannot believe that it has been 3 years since this day . . .
Owen's last two birthdays have been a kind of whirlwind. A lot of joy and craziness. This birthday felt a little different. I LOVE birthdays and I love to celebrate birthdays! Since their party will be on saturday, we didn't do much on tuesday. It was a rather normal day around our house. Lots of errands to do, cleaning around the house, and plenty of time playing with the boys. The past month in speech therapy we have been preparing Owen for his 3rd birthday. Bringing out a melissa and doug wooden birthday cake, decorating it, "blowing" out the candles, cutting the cake, and "eating" it. So, when I got Owen out of his crib in the morning and said happy birthday, he said "cut". LOL His favorite part of the birthday celebrating in speech was cutting the cake. We were also teaching him to say how old he was going to be. He could already say two but wouldn't say three. On his birthday I was hoping he would answer with the right number. Unfortunately he doesn't want to be three. When I say, "Owen you are three!" He says, "no mom! me two". What a sweetie :) Overall the day was a success.
As I started the TPN for his nightime routine, I started to think. I thought about what I was doing exactly three years ago. I looked at the clock and saw 8:59pm. Then it hit me. The feeling hit me hard. It was a weird, scary, overwhelming feeling. Like I was back in that time. I invisioned what I was doing 3 years ago. I was lying on a table in the surgery room. I was scared, crying, throwing up from the fact that I didn't stop eating at a certain time to go through a c-section successfully, looking at Heath, and waiting for news. Owen came into this world at 9:03pm. After that I was wheeled into the recovery room for an hour or so waiting to see my baby boy for the first time. As I was in the recovery room, the above picture was taken and brought to me by my family. That night I didn't know what to think.I remember them wheeling me into the NICU to see him. I couldn't stand and the table was as high as my head. I saw all these wires, blood, and a little tiny hand at the end of the table. As if he was reaching for me to hold it. I put my finger in his hand. Still hard to feel anything emotionally other than all the overwelming thoughts taking over my brain. Not long after, they wheeled me up to the maternity ward. It seems cruel to put a mother, who has to leave her child in the care of others, on a floor where she can hear all the healthy babies and their mothers laughing, crying, and talking right outside the door. Another overwhelming feeling.
These are the thoughts running through my head as I am drawing up multivitamins to put into the TPN solution. That day is so far away, three years to be exact, and even so, it still hurts. Those thoughts, if I really let myself think about them, they hurt. It's a difficult memory to keep. a difficult memory to think about. However, through this memory, one of the greatest joys in my life is. I am so thankful for this little boy. I am a better perspn because of him.
Owen, you are the strongest person I know. You have been through so much in your little life and you still find the joy. You show me how life should be lived. We cannot dwel on what we cannot change, we must enjoy the truly little things. I pray for your little life. I pray that your health continues to improve, but most of all I pray that you find joy in it all. I love you my precious 3 year old!